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What is Grief?
At the core, grief is the experience of loss. Often, we think it is only the experience of someone dying, but we have come to realize that grief can be so many things. Grief can come from the things that happen after a loved one has died, such as the loss of friends you might experience. Grief can also be your family telling you that you must be done with your grief, but you are not and therefore causing some internal struggle. There are many ways grief can show up in life and sometimes we do not realize that we are grieving. I want you to know that it is okay to grieve and it is not a linear process. I’m going to provide you with different types of grief so you can understand yourself better and what you might be currently grieving or have grieved in the past.
Types of Grief
There are 7 types of grief. I want to go over each type so that you can understand where you might be experiencing grief but was not aware that it was grief.
The first type is Non-Death Loss. This is when “a person can grieve over the loss of anything significant to their physical, psychological, spiritual, and interpersonal lives (“What's Your Grief”).” There are so many things that one can grieve outside of death and as long as one gives significance to something, they can grieve that as well.
The second type is Secondary Loss. This is after the initial loss, where that primary loss causes changes in our lives such as losses related to finances, friends, sense-of-self, and so on. There are many ways that the primary loss can affect our lives, so we need to realize that grief isn’t just the initial situation, but the aftereffects too.
The third type is Ambiguous Loss. This happens when you have lost someone who is still living. As in, the person has changed or disappeared. A person can be hopeful that things will return to normal with the person who is still alive but is aware that change may not happen and therefore they have lost the person they used to know.
The fourth type is Cumulative Loss. This is when one suffers a new loss while still suffering another loss or having multiple losses very close together. Grief is not linear, so there will be times when you experience a new loss while it still feels like you are trying to heal from a past loss and that is okay! Give yourself as much time to grieve as you need, especially if you are having multiple losses.
The fifth type is Nonfinite Loss. This type of loss happens when someone has expectations for life, but those expectations are not being fulfilled. You have hope that things will get better, but things are not happening as one might expect. It is okay to grieve not having the life you have hoped for.
The sixth type is Anticipatory Grief. This grief happens before a potential loss occurs. This is anticipating a loss, and the individual may experience grief over a period of time before the loss happens. This loss is to help one cope with the potential loss of something/someone they love. It helps one prepare for a loss and sometimes that helps someone lessen the impact of the loss when it happens, but not always.
The seventh and last type is Disenfranchised Grief. This type of grief is when someone feels like they have been denied the right to grieve by people around them or society (“What’s Your Grief”). The person can feel ashamed and invalidated for their grief, which impacts their ability to grieve. Grief is not linear and should have no expectations on how long one takes to heal.
Knowing what types of grief there are can hopefully give you some insight on how you might be grieving in life and were not aware. Grief is so broad and not everyone is aware of that, so I hope by now, you have more knowledge on the losses in your life and the impact they have on you. I also hope you can learn about what grief you are experiencing so that you can heal from it. Healing is important but remember to take all the time you need to heal. Now, I want to give you a more positive spin on grief that I find life changing because it tells me that grief is a good thing, not a bad thing.
Grief is Love
With such a heavy topic, I want to end the article on a more positive note. I want to give you a new phrase to use when it comes to grief and that is “grief is love (“grief.com”).” Grief is happening because you loved someone/something so much that you are sad they are gone. You are also sad because you cannot give that thing/person the love you planned on giving them while they were still here. Your love feels cut off from what it was supposed to be. You had plans to love them, but now you can’t continue loving them as you wish. But when you grieve, you are showing love for that person/thing, so your love never has to go away for them. You are showing love because you care so much that you continue to love them even after they are gone. You might grieve your whole life but over time, you can grow into a stronger person who can hold the grief (love) a little bit easier. You can still thrive as the person you want to become despite the grief you experience. It is hard, but you got this.
Hope Brayfield 5/10/25
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